When we work with children on the Autism spectrum, there is a lot of focus on language acquisition. However, the focus stops at the basic receptive level many times both at homes and therapy sessions. This could be because a child is able to be a part of a group and a classroom as soon as they are receptive to language. In the short run, it does put a positive spin on things.

What we observed was that, in the long run, placing a lot of emphasis on just following what is told and answer when asked pushes the child into an unhappy space and many impulsive behaviors emerge.

We figured that reasoning with the children, laying out the pros and cons, involving them in the conversations help them process their emotions better, paving the way for better relationships. Here is an example of how that works.

P is a five year old child on the Autism spectrum. He can communicate his wants and needs very well.

During one of the therapy sessions, he probably did not like to do a particular work. He started reaching out to the therapist's hand to bite. She quickly turned her hand away a couple of times. When she withdrew her hand, his mouth closed on his own hand. He did not bite.

Therapist: Did you want to bite me? P : Yes Therapist: Will you bite yourself? P: No Therapist: Why? P: It will hurt. Therapist: When you bite, it will pain for me as well. It hurts for others as well when we bite. If you don't like this work, we can do something about it.

Therapist: Do you still feel like biting? P: No.

He took help and finished his work and took a break.

Conversations are important. To have a conversation, we need to presume competence. Let's just do that!